How to give feedback to your peers
I was facilitating a session on “How to give feedback” to a group of leaders recently.
In this session, I shared a model that leaders can use to give feedback in a clear and direct manner.
One of the participants asked me, “Vanessa, can we use this model to give feedback to a peer?”
I paused.
I had to really think about how to answer this question appropriately.
My answer required some thought because, in my opinion, giving feedback to a direct report is very different than providing feedback to a peer.
Would you agree?
When someone reports to you, it is your job to provide direct feedback so they can grow and develop.
With a peer, your relationship is collaborative; hence, many people avoid giving feedback to one another. But we all know that when feedback is avoided, the conflict or bad behaviour only festers or grows.
So, after some thought, I suggested to my client that she use a different approach with her peer.
I suggested that she make a request rather than give feedback to this person.
I wrote the following on the whiteboard:
I wrote the following on the whiteboard:
- Can I make a suggestion?
- Would it be okay if…
- That way…
In this case, my client’s peer was crafting the weekly team meeting agenda without her input.
So, her request would be:
- Can I make a suggestion?
- Would it be okay if… we connected every Monday morning and crafted our meeting agenda together?
- That way… we ensure that our agenda items are included each week.
Typically, your peers are taking action to move things forward.
Their intention is well-meaning, even though it may annoy or bother you.
Rather than harbouring ill feelings towards this person…take the high road!
Make a request that will fix your issue so that you can move forward respectfully and collaboratively.
