How Leaders Accidentally Reward Wrong Behaviours and the Simple Tool That Stops It
I’ve always told my coaching clients to give more positive feedback. It makes people feel valued, boosts morale, and reinforces good behaviour.
A couple of years ago, I had a conversation that completely changed how I think about praise.
When “Good” Feedback Goes Wrong
I was working with a client who was struggling to give effective feedback. When I asked him for an example of recent positive feedback he’d given, he got embarrassed.
“Vanessa, I’m not proud of this one,” he said.
He went on to tell me he had publicly praised a team member in front of the entire company for staying until 10 PM to finish a critical project. Sounds fine, right?
A few days later, Jeff realized he’d made two big mistakes:
First, he was sending the wrong message about work-life balance.
He didn’t want people thinking they needed to work until 10 PM to get recognition.
Second, he was rewarding procrastination.
This employee had actually waited until the last minute to start the project, creating unnecessary stress for everyone involved.
My client thought he was giving positive feedback. Instead, he was reinforcing exactly the wrong behaviours.
The Problem Most Leaders Don’t See
We become so focused on being encouraging that we forget to consider what it is we’re encouraging.
Not all positive feedback is positive.
When you praise someone for “going above and beyond,” you need to be crystal clear about what specific behaviour you want to see more of.
Otherwise, you might accidentally reward:
- Working late instead of working efficiently
- Last-minute heroics instead of proper planning
- Individual effort that creates team problems
The Positive Feedback Framework That Fixes This
I shared a tool with my client that ensures your positive feedback reinforces the right behaviours every time. It’s called the “DE” framework:
- D – Describe the behaviour: What exactly did this person do well? Be specific about the actions they took.
- E – Explain the impact: How did their behaviour make a difference to you, the team, or the business?
Most leaders do the “D” part okay. They say things like “great job on that project” or “thanks for staying late.” But they skip the “E” part, which is the most important.
How This Looks in Practice
Instead of saying, “Thanks for getting that project done on time!”
Try this: “I noticed you started planning this project two weeks in advance and checked in with the team regularly along the way (Describe). Because of your proactive approach, everyone knew what to expect, and we delivered quality work without any last-minute stress (Explain the impact).”
Why the Impact Matters Most
When you explain the impact, you help people understand the “why” behind their actions.
They see how their specific choices contributed to success.
Without the impact piece, people might think that any method of achieving results is fine. With it, they understand which approaches are favored on your team.
Your Next Step
Think about someone on your team who deserves recognition right now. Before you give them feedback, ask yourself:
- What specific behaviour do I want to reinforce?
- How did that behaviour impact the team or business?
Then use the DE framework to provide feedback that creates the results you want.
Because the goal isn’t just to make people feel good, it’s also to help them understand exactly what good performance looks like, so they can replicate it.
