Why are you feeling guilty?
This week, my client Julia articulated a perspective that I hear a lot.
She said, “As a leader, I have a lot of guilt. I feel like I should be spending more time with my team than I typically do.”
Guilt is a tricky emotion.
But it is important that you don’t let your guilt erode your confidence.
Rather, notice the guilty feeling and address it.
Take a minute to assess what you are feeling guilty about.
For example, do you feel guilty that you should be:
- Coaching your team more
- Giving a team member constructive feedback (rather than avoiding it)
- Providing more positive feedback
- Dealing with that relationship that isn’t working
- Feeling more enthusiastic about your hybrid team
Once you identify what you “should” be doing differently, then you need stop using the word “should” and make a decision on how you will move forward effectively.
You can make a decision using these three questions:
- What will I do differently right now?
- What will I not do differently right now?
- What will I not do right now…but will schedule for later?
Let’s adapt these three questions to the example of avoiding constructive feedback.
- I will give the constructive feedback today.
- I will not give the constructive feedback because I have decided it is not important (then you have to let it go!)
- I won’t give the feedback right now but I have put it in my calendar to do so on Tuesday during my one-on-one meeting with my team member.
So, when you start “should-ing” and feeling guilt, just pause for a moment.
Ask yourself, “What am I feeling guilty about right now?”
Be self-reflective. This is a sign of great leadership.
Then make a decision and take just one step towards that decision.
I promise, you’ll feel much better…and much less guilty!
