How To Build Trust by Owning the Hard Messages

When your team knows you’ve got their back, they don’t just perform, they will push harder and move faster for you!

Last week, I witnessed something twice that I haven’t been able to shake… and not for the right reasons!

I watched two leaders fail to protect their teams.

And it got me thinking…

Have you ever had a boss who didn’t have your back?

I have, and I remember feeling very exposed, unsupported and constantly on edge. In fact, that same boss tried to get me fired!

When Leaders Fail to Protect Their Teams

Obviously, that soul-sucking experience stayed with me.

This is why what I saw last week hit a nerve.

Let me share what happened.

In the first situation, an executive sent a glowing email to a project group, praising the work they delivered to the client.

Sounds great, right?

Except, shortly after, he sent a separate email to the team’s Director saying the work wasn’t good enough and that the Director now needed to go back and explain that to the team.

That’s not leadership. That’s outsourcing discomfort.

This isn’t about playing “good cop, bad cop.” You don’t get to be the people-pleasing leader who delivers praise publicly and then quietly delegates the hard conversations to someone else. When you do that, you’re not just avoiding accountability, but you’re undermining your own leaders.

Directors and middle Managers should never be a shield! They should be partners with Executives in the performance management process.

In the second situation, a new senior leader was criticized by someone more junior. Instead of stepping in to support her, especially given she was still ramping up, her boss simply took notes and passed the feedback along.

Her boss did not ask her for context and was certainly not her advocate in this situation.

My client just received this message from her boss, “Here’s what someone said about you.”

She was incredibly deflated. Plus, this was a missed leadership moment for her boss.

Leadership isn’t just about passing along feedback. It is about holding the line for your people.

So, what should you be doing when faced with a challenging interpersonal situation? You need to protect your team!

3 Ways to Protect Your Team and Build Real Trust

Here are three ways to better protect and strengthen your team:

1. Own the message (especially the hard ones)

If something isn’t good enough, say it. Don’t hide behind layers. Your team deserves clarity, and your leaders deserve credibility. When you personally deliver tough feedback (the right way), you build trust, even when the message is difficult.

2. Provide context, not just criticism

Feedback without context can feel like an attack. Your role as a leader is to filter, frame, and prioritize input. Not every comment deserves equal weight, and not every opinion should be passed along unexamined. Help your team understand what matters and what isn’t relevant in the moment.

3.  Don’t Pass the Pressure Down

Your role is to translate pressure into clarity, not pass stress directly to your team. Help your team to filter competing demands, set clear priorities and ensure your team is focused on what matters most. When difficult feedback is required, take ownership and coach your leaders. It is really important that you don’t position yourself as the positive voice while expecting others to deliver the hard messages.

At the end of the day, leadership isn’t about being liked. It’s about being responsible and building trust.

Part of that responsibility is protecting your people and making them feel safe.

When your team knows you’ve got their back, they’ll go further for you…and with far more confidence.

That is the kind of leadership that actually scales!

Thank you for sharing!

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